It is common for friends to commiserate when divorcing. Inevitably, one friend will share anecdotes of his/her own experience or that of another friend. It can be tempting to try to compare divorces. Sharing stories often gives people a feeling of comfort when facing the unknown.
While commiserating may help to relieve some of the emotion that is tied to divorce, there is a very good reason why you should not compare divorces. No two divorces are alike.
5 reasons why you cannot compare your divorce to another’s
You can’t compare your divorce to another’s. Need more convincing? Here are five reasons why your situations are different and the outcome of your divorce will likely be different too:
Different people — Even though your friend may feel like a sibling to you, you are still different people. What may be comfortable for your friend may not be comfortable for you. You will have different perspectives, different needs and different objectives in your divorce.
Different facts and circumstances — The facts of every divorce are going to be different. There will be differing incomes, differing assets, differing debts and even your children will be different.
Different judges — The judge who is assigned to your case matters. Every judge has their own beliefs and biases when it comes to divorce and that can play out in how decisions are made. An experienced attorney can tell you what to expect.
Different attorneys — The attorney you choose to handle your divorce matters. The attorney you choose should have a style and an approach that matches your own. If you are a fast-paced executive with high expectations, an attorney who has a laid-back approach may not suit you. You will want an attorney whose energy levels matches yours and you can trust to get the job done. Similarly if you are a person who is looking for someone who can provide them with steady direction, an attorney with a laid-back approach may be a better fit. Both attorneys are equally qualified and capable, but each attorney is likely to handle the divorce a bit differently.
Different counties — Different counties will also yield different results. Some counties tend to rely more heavily on the recommendations of friends of the court, such as a guardian at litem, than others. This can impact the outcome of your case.
Sharing your divorce experience may help you process through your experience, but remember that your experience will be uniquely yours. If you are worried about what to expect in divorce, you should consider consulting with a divorce attorney who can advise you on your situation.